The Awesome Mr. Kampion

Did you know these surprising facts about Drew …

Drew Kampion lost his virginity before his dad did.

Drew Kampion is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

Drew Kampion can unscramble an egg and unswirl a marble pound cake at the same time.

 Drew Kampion can start a campfire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Drew Kampion destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes Lists.

Drew Kampion can delete a computer’s Recycling Bin.

When Drew Kampion goes whale-watching, the whales pod-up and watch him.

Drew Kampion’s computer has no “backspace” button; Drew Kampion doesn’t make mistakes.

Drew Kampion never predicted the Higgs-Boson particle. The Higgs-Boson predicted Drew Kampion.

Drew Kampion can build a snowman out of rain.

When Drew Kampion goes into a maze… the maze realizes how hopeless it is to try and confuse him and turns itself into a runway.

Drew Kampion and Superman once had an evil-fighting contest on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear outside his pants.

Drew Kampion has a grizzly bear carpet in his living room. The bear isn’t dead; it just wisely keeps deciding not to move.

When Drew Kampion appeared on Jeopardy, Watson answered in the form of an answer.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Drew Kampion stories.

Drew Kampion died 20 years ago; Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.

Love of spiders is arachnophilia, love of tight spaces is claustropholia, love of Drew Kampion is called Wisdom.

Drew Kampion won American Idol using only sign language.

Drew Kampion won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards.

Once a cop pulled Drew over…the cop was lucky to leave with only a warning.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Drew Kampion.

Some magicians can walk on water, Drew Kampion can swim through land.

Drew Kampion can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Drew Kampion is the reason Waldo keeps getting lost.

Drew Kampion once counted to infinity – twice.

Drew Kampion can slam a revolving door.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks under his bed for Drew Kampion.

Drew Kampion can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Drew Kampion once accidentally kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants today are known as Giraffes.

Drew Kampion can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Drew Kampion designed and granted life to.

Drew Kampion doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Drew Kampion doesn’t call a wrong number; you just answer the wrong phone.

The only time Drew Kampion was wrong was once when he thought he made a mistake.

When Drew Kampion goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food.

Drew Kampion doesn’t turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.

Contrary to popular belief, Drew Kampion cannot fly. He just jumps and simply decides when he wants to come down.

Drew Kampion met an exclamation point and got all up in its face. And now we have question marks.

Drew Kampion can speak Hebrew… in Chinese.

Unstoppable force meeting an immovable object? Drew Kampion clapping.

Drew Kampion can make a Happy Meal cry.

Drew Kampion once appeared on Wheel of Fortune. The last twenty-nine minutes were spent in awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.

Death once had a near-Drew experience.

There is no “Ctrl” button on Drew Kampion’s computer. Drew Kampion is beyond control.

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